The approach of the beginning of September triggered an old reflex that maybe I should go and study something. I flirted with the course of a therapist and went to the interview, but the feeling turned really bad and nothing seemed to go right. So even though I got accepted to the course, I got sick (a very bad sign in my case) and I saw my inner child in a dream, crying: “You promised after my PhD studies that I wouldn’t have to go to school anymore!
Then when I got a card from my favorite deck with a picture of thunderclouds and lightning twice with the text “NO. Wait. Postpone. Say no.” (which I had never drawn before), I gave up. The sun came out right away… and even though the trip I was heading to immediately after that started with the landing in thunderstorm, the rest of it was mostly sunny.
*****
Äike
Septembri alguse lähedus tekitas vana tuttava refleksi, et ehk peaks midagi õppima minema. Flirtisin kogemusnõustaja kursusega ja käisin vestlusel, aga tunne keeras päris rappa selle peale ning miski ei tundunud õigesti minevat. Nii et ehkki sain sisse ja mõtlesin algul õppima minna, jäin haigeks (minu puhul väga halb märk) ja nägin unes oma sisemist last, kes nuttis kägaras etteheitvalt: “Sa ju lubasid pärast doktorantuuri, et ma ei pea rohkem kooli minema!”
Kui siis sain oma lemmik-kaardipakist kaks korda äikesepilvede ja välkude pildiga kaardi tekstiga “NO. Wait. Postpone. Say no.” (mida ma polnud kunagi varem tõmmanud), andsin alla ja loobusin. Päike tuli kohe välja… ja ehkki reis, kuhu kohe seejärel suundusin, algas elu esimese äikesega (vahe)maandumisega, oli see suuremalt jaolt siiski päikeseline.